April 6, 2005

Kiss the Messenger

By Jessica Findlay
jfindla@uwo.ca

I anxiously punch his email address into Messenger. Would he be online? Success. He's there. It's lust at first type.

A few months ago, I decided to crash at my cousin's house in Toronto after a Christmas party. His friend was visiting and we ended up talking and flirting before I called it a night. The next morning I was searching my coat pockets for lip gloss when I came across a business card. It was blank except for an email address belonging to the cute boy, Ryan.

Since adding my new friend to my growing list of Messenger contacts, we've been getting to know each other through brief and entertaining conversations over the computer. Although we don't live in the same city and I haven't seen him since, we regularly chat, incorporating winking faces into our conversations. In person, I'm really not a very good winker.

Luckily, there's MSN Messenger

"It's huge," said Anabel Quan-Haase, a professor of media, information, and technoculture at the University of Western Ontario, who is studying Messenger use on campus. "It's only going to get bigger."
For many university students, whose schedules are busy and unpredictable, it's difficult to find time to create or maintain relationships in person. That's why more students are choosing to communicate over instant messaging programs such as Messenger, said Quan-Hase.

Cellphones offer a similar convenience of mobility, but there seem to be more advantages to typing than talking, as many people regularly use Messenger on their cellphones.

Quan-Haase explains that when talking on the phone, you have no idea if the person is there and have to go through the formalities of introduction. It can also be expensive, she said. With Messenger you can get to the point quickly, while having five or 10 different conversations at the same time.

Launched by Microsoft in the summer of 1999 to compete with other instant messaging programs such as ICQ, MSN Messenger (commonly referred to as MSN or Messenger) has been taking off. Among the 18 million Canadians who regularly use the Internet, 10 million are registered with the MSN network.

There's nothing to it. Search for a friend by using their email address. If they have Messenger, it sends them a message asking if they want to be on your list. If they accept, the chatting can start as soon as both friends are using the program by double clicking on a name.

The free download is more than just exchanging instant conversation with friends and family. Want to send a hug? Click on the hug icon. Want someone to think they're funny? Type LOL (laugh out loud) or put an action in asterisks to show you're laughing, such as *giggle*. There are also ways to send pictures, files and facial icons to show emotions.

Above all, the biggest appeal to instant messaging is that it's fun - especially when it comes to relationships.

"It's so easy," said Heather Keith, a master of science student at the University of British Columbia.

Photo by Jessica Findlay

MSN is a new relationship gateway for university students.

"If you have to call someone, you'll probably fake dial five times before you decide to do it," she said. "With MSN, you just add their name to your list. It's easy to start talking to them without seeing their reaction. If it doesn't work out, it's over and done with and you can just delete them," she said.

Online banter also eliminates the potential for awkward silences and missed opportunities.

"How many times have you walked away from talking with someone you like and wished you had said something funny or witty?" said Keith, 26. "On MSN there's time to think about what you're going to say."

The ease of saying hello online isn't news. Even back in 2001, a University of Miami psychology study showed people who communicate over a computer say they feel more free, uninhibited and comfortable, than in face-to-face communication. The study also showed that people enjoyed face-to-face conversation more, if it was preceded by online communication.

"If students participate in some form of computer-mediated communication prior to a discussion, then those discussions are likely to be enhanced."

"I definitely think it's good for testing the waters," said Will Kostelynk, a business student at the University of Manitoba.

Last Halloween, Kostelynk met a woman at a bar who was taking pictures on her digital camera of him in his costume. She requested his email address to later send him the pictures. When she did, she also added him to her MSN and the conversation began flowing.

"We chit chatted for a bit and then I used MSN to ask her out to a movie," he said. "It's a good and safe way to get to know someone a little better."

But some Messenger conversations are not so innocent.

It's no secret that many university students like to drink, often referring to alcohol as "liquid courage" when it comes to making the moves.

While students tend to feel extra confident soberly typing their feelings, typing under the influence has been known to take the conversation to a whole new level.

"MSN booty calls happen all the time after a night at the bar," said Krista Leck, 22, who studies nutrition at Acadia University, a school where all students have laptop computers.

Asking for late-night romance of any kind isn't as intimidating when it's all type and no action.

"If you don't know how they'll respond you could always add a winking face, as though you might be joking. On the phone, it's more embarrassing," she said.

But, sometimes instant messages aren't instant enough.

After a night of flirting with a guy at the bar, Leck was on Messenger seeing where things would go. By the time she received an invitation to come over, it was too late. "I passed out between messages," said Leck, admitting she probably wouldn't have if she had been talking on the phone. "I guess I missed my chance."
Despite its limitations, instant messaging is working to bring couples closer together. For students in relationships needing to go the distance for an education, extra miles can put extra strains on love.

Candace Skinner has been in a long-distance relationship for more than three years and doesn't consider the phone as a desirable option for frequent communicating.

"If you phone someone four times a day, it's annoying" said Skinner, 22, who introduced her boyfriend to Messenger. "If you message them four times a day it doesn't seem to be a problem … You can just message about something as it comes up."

With Skinner studying occupational therapy in Toronto and her boyfriend working on a freightliner in the Atlantic Ocean, Messenger is their obvious connection.

"He can be gone for three or four months at a time," she said. "When he goes into international waters, it's too costly to call."

Just as instant messaging can easily bring couples together, it can also tear them apart.

"There are most definitely downfalls to MSN," said Greg Uremovich, a recreation student at Lakehead University in Thunder Bay, Ont.

"Something that was meant to be sarcastic can be taken the wrong way. Also, many people say things that they wouldn't say in a face-to-face conversation, and that could be bad," he said.

As a channel for unrestricted communication, Messenger can facilitate a gateway for cheating. Unless partners reveal passwords to each other, it is difficult to know who's typing what to whom.

"Depending on what type of flirting is going on between two people, I think it can be considered cheating," said Uremovich. "I wouldn't want my girlfriend flirting on MSN and if I found out, I probably wouldn't be too happy."

Regardless of what MSN Messenger is and isn't doing for relationships, its popularity is continuing to grow.

"We're going to see instant messaging being used more in the next generations," said Quan-Haase, whose research will continue over the next three or four years. "If your friends have it, you'll have it. No one wants to feel disconnected."

"It's here to stay," said Andrew Mills, a Grade 12 student at Rothesay Netherwood School in Rothesay, N.B, who goes online everyday after school until he goes to sleep.

"It's like the fast food of communication -- it may be unhealthy, but it's quick, easy and temporarily satisfying."

Mills, 18, explains Messenger also plays a big part in the high school dating scene because everyone uses it. However, he hasn't had much luck. A girl he wanted to date found out he liked her and immediately rejected him online.

"It was devastating, but I've moved on," he said.
With any relationship prospect, there are risks. Sometimes you win and sometimes you lose. As much as I love talking on the computer, it does leave something to be desired.

With hours of Messenger conversations with Ryan, I'm hoping to take my online relationship offline.

After all, a *MWAH* over Messenger never beats a real kiss.